Helplessness, Good vs Bad Values, Stop Living in Your Head

One Insight From Me

Recently, a friend told me, “Life is hard no matter what. So you might as well choose your struggles.” I smiled because a decade ago, I would have said the same thing.

Back then, I believed in grit above all. Long hours. Early mornings. Late nights. If it hurt, it meant I was growing. "Choose your struggles" was my mantra. It felt strong, mature, disciplined. (​Well, I wrote this​)

I still believe in hard work. But now, I’m careful with that phrase. It romanticizes suffering. It turns grinding into a badge of honor.

Today, I think in terms of “getting aligned to your identity.” Are you a founder? A writer? An athlete? Once you decide, a lot of small debates disappear. Waking up early isn’t a struggle. Training isn’t torture. Shipping consistently isn’t heroic. It’s simply... required work.

Doing the required work is also "doing only what’s necessary." Take lifting, I focus on the right weight, the right form, the right volume — not more for the sake of more. I’m not chasing pain. I’m not proving toughness. I’m just completing the required reps. The muscles still burn. But there’s no story about suffering. It’s not noble. It’s not dramatic. It’s simply the work that moves the needle.

If you believe life is hard, everything feels heavy. Worse, some people may choose suffering even when it's unnecessary.

If you believe you’re simply living out your role, doing what's required (instead of what's hard), life starts to feel surprisingly easy.

Three Ideas From Other People

Fear comes from not knowing what to expect and not feeling you have any control over what’s about to happen. When you ​feel helpless​, you’re far more afraid than you would be if you knew the facts. If you’re not sure what to be alarmed about, everything is alarming.

​An Astronaut's Guide to Life on Earth​ by Col. Chris Hadfield

Values underlie everything we are and do. If our values are unhelpful, if what we consider success/failure is poorly chosen, then everything based on those values — the thoughts, the emotions, the day-to-day feelings — will all be out of whack. Everything we think and feel about a situation ultimately comes back to how valuable we perceive it to be.

Good values are 1) reality-based, 2) socially constructive, and 3) immediate and controllable.

Bad values are 1) superstitious, 2) socially destructive, and 3) not immediate and controllable.

​The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck​ by Mark Manson

Modern humans, we don’t live enough in our bodies. We don’t live enough in our awareness. We live too much in this internal monologue in our heads. All of which is just programmed into you by society and by the environment when you were younger.

​The Almanack of Naval Ravikant​ by Eric Jorgenson

One Question to Reflect On

What story are you telling yourself about your work right now? And how is that story shaping the way you show up each day?