The Goals That Weren't Mine

I didn’t plan to buy a house. Not at this stage of life, at least.

I liked the idea of freedom. Low overhead. High optionality. I wanted to invest in my business, grow my portfolio, and keep life simple so I could take bigger bets when the time felt right.

But then I started spending more time with my wife’s family. Many of them had done well. They lived in nice homes. Renovated beautifully. Had family over for meals. Took care of their parents. It looked warm, grounded, and successful.

At the same time, I was working with colleagues in the U.S. Some had bought homes too, in Austin, LA, or elsewhere. I’d hear them talk about home equity and rising prices, how their mortgage was “cheaper than rent.”

None of them told me to buy a house. No one sat me down and convinced me. But being around people who did—who seemed happy and proud—made it feel like something I should want too.

Buying a house started to feel… normal. Maybe even overdue.

So I did.

And then I renovated it. Tastefully. I chose finishes that ​looked great on Instagram​ and in real life. I hosted dinners and showed friends around. Every time someone complimented the space, I felt proud. Like I’d made it.

But something didn’t sit right.

When Success Is Borrowed, Not Chosen

I didn’t regret buying the house. I enjoyed it. It was peaceful. It gave me space to think and create.

But deep down, I knew: this wasn’t my original plan. It wasn’t even on my radar a few years ago.

I bought the house not because I needed one, but because the people around me had one. And they seemed happy. They seemed proud. Their life looked like what a “good life” should be. And I copied it—without even realizing.

I almost made the same mistake with a car. A luxury one. I had the down payment. I was already looking at showrooms. The only thing that stopped me was remembering what I actually wanted: freedom to build, space to explore, money to invest. A car would’ve tied me down to a lifestyle I didn’t want to maintain.

That’s what makes this tricky.

It’s not always bad choices that derail us. It’s good ones—good enough ones—that don’t align with what we value. A house, a car, a job title. All perfectly fine goals.

You wake up living a good life—just not your life.

The Silent Influence of Your Environment

We often say, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

But it’s deeper than that.

You don’t just ​pick up their habits​. You absorb their definition of success. You start chasing what they chase. You feel like you’re falling behind if you don’t hit the same milestones—even if those milestones don’t matter to you.

You begin to feel behind in a race you never agreed to run.

And it’s not just in real life. Social media adds another layer. The people you follow become part of your mental environment. Their lives—curated and filtered—set new baselines for what “enough” looks like.

One minute, you’re fine living a simple life. The next, you’re wondering if you should be running a seven-figure business and filming content from a beachfront villa.

How to Protect Your Definition of Success

Protecting your definition of success doesn’t mean isolating yourself or rejecting ambition. It means learning to separate what truly matters to you from what merely feels familiar, popular, or impressive.

These next few principles can help you draw that line more clearly—and live in closer alignment with your values.

1. Get painfully honest about your values

Most people say they value things like freedom, health, family, or growth. But when you zoom in on their daily decisions, the picture doesn’t match. They’re:

• Chasing promotions that leave them no time to rest.
• Buying things to impress people they don’t even talk to.
• Staying in environments that drain them.

Because everyone else is doing it.

I’ve done it too. What helped me realign was sitting down and writing what I actually want now, not what I used to want, or what I think I should want.

That means asking: What kind of life am I building? What do I want to optimize for in this season—stability, adventure, learning, or space? What am I willing to trade for it?

Until you get that honest, you’ll always be vulnerable to adopting someone else’s path—because your own is blurry.

2. Be mindful of emotional proximity—not just physical proximity

It’s not just who you spend time with in real life—it’s who you give ​mental and emotional space​ to.

The people who shape us aren’t just the ones we see every day. They’re the ones whose voices echo in our heads. That includes people you follow on Instagram, podcasts you binge, and even friends of friends who seem to be living your “dream life.”

The more you’re exposed to someone’s reality (or their version of it), the more it starts to influence what you believe is possible, desirable, or expected. You begin to feel behind, out of sync, like your own pace isn’t enough. And that discontent doesn’t come from your actual life—it comes from comparison.

So take control of who gets access to your mental real estate. Curate your inputs like your future depends on it—because it does.

3. Ask deeper questions before chasing the next goal

When a new desire shows up—a fancy car, a condo, a new career—don’t reject it. But slow down. Sit with it. Ask: Where did this come from? Did it arise from your own lived experience, or did it come after seeing someone else get it?

If you want what someone else has, would you want their stress, their debt, or their lifestyle too? Most of the time, we’re not seeing the full picture. We’re reacting to surface-level impressions. We confuse admiration with aspiration. We borrow dreams that don’t fit our lives.

The problem is: you can't trade only the good stuff; you have to trade all of it—the good, the bad, and the ugly. To have something is to pay the price of having it.

Instead of asking, “How do I get that too?” try asking, “What problem am I trying to solve?” or “What would this look like if it were designed for me?”

These questions put you back in the driver’s seat—so you can pursue success on your own terms, not someone else’s.

4. Redefine what it means to find your people

Not everyone in your circle has to reflect your ambition or share your goals. Some of the most grounding relationships come from people who don’t care how much you earn or what you’ve built.

It’s about how they make you feel in the moment—calm, curious, inspired, appreciated. It’s about being fully present during the time you spend together. It’s about discovering more of who you are in their presence—and helping them do the same.

The right people don’t just push you forward. Sometimes, they ​remind you to pause​. To help you come home to yourself.

Protect Your Story

The people around you matter. Not because they tell you what to do, but because they shape what you believe is worth doing.

Sometimes, that’s a gift. Sometimes, it’s a trap.

So check in with yourself. Are you chasing what you truly want—or did someone else’s version of success sneak in when you weren’t looking?

If you’ve already followed a path that wasn’t truly yours, that’s okay. You don’t need to undo everything. You just need to notice. Realign. Let your next decision pull you closer to your values.

Chasing big goals isn’t the problem. Blindly chasing the wrong ones is. The goal isn’t to want less—it’s to want what’s yours.

You don’t have to burn your life down. But you do have to protect the life you were meant to build before the noise got in.